Tag Archives: thoughts

Writers Block and Taking Notes from Superman

It’s been over two months since I’ve written anything of substance. The only form of writing I’ve done as of late is texting my best friend to ask her when she would be returning home to give me attention. Just like Justin Bieber, I’m a shell of my former self. I even had to google the word ‘Bieber’ to check I’d spelt it correctly, which might actually be an indication that I’ve not lost the plot quite yet. Like bingo calling or riding a bike, it’s been so long since I’ve done it, I can barely remember how.

On multiple occasions I’ve torn myself away from my beloved Gilmore Girls boxset and bag of doritos to try and document my thought processes and interesting events that have happened to me in recent weeks. I sit at my laptop, fingers poised to write something quirky and relatable with just the faintest hint of indignation when I have the terrible realisation that I have nothing interesting to write about: fascinating tales about spending a Saturday morning with toothpaste in my eye isn’t going to make J.K Rowling start quaking in her boots.

As the self-indulgent fear of leading a mundane life, which can’t be documented in a humorous tone over the internet clouds any desire to blog, I’ve decided to make a change in my life. I’m going to become a better person so that karma helps me win the lottery and attend yacht parties with Taylor Swift. Also, doing good deeds is rewarding, as there’s no greater pleasure in life than being able to help other people, obviously.

First port of call: giving up my seat on public transport. Not to worry, I’m not a complete monster, I already make sure that no elderly people are left clutching their walking stick whilst I stare at the floor and ignore any pangs of guilt. Rather, I plan to broaden my horizons and become the Florence Nightingale of public transport, ready to give up my seat at a moments notice to anyone in need! Not only do I burn extra calories per minute but I also gain a full view of any attractive men on the train that I might accidentally bump into whilst struggling with my tights and cape. Everyone’s a winner!

For now though, I’m so exhausted from all of the thinking about becoming a more fully-functioning human I’ve been doing, that I simply must put myself to bed with a cup of tea and Buffy the Vampire Slayer. It’s good to be back!

Taylor Swift and the Lucky Golden Ticket

Reading has always been one of my most cherished past-times: as a child I spent hours flicking through the pages of Enid Blyton, J.K Rowling and Roald Dahl, drinking in their words. I was with Charlie, hoping to find a Wonka bar that contained that lucky, golden ticket. I was stood next to Matilda as she defeated Miss Trunchbull and finally found the love she always craved; I wasn’t alone. Any problems I had suddenly seemed superfluous and all that remained was the story and the characters of the book: my friends.

Whilst the words created by my most loved authors captured my imagination as a child, nowadays, the sounds of Taylor Swift and the sweet accompaniment of a bottle of red wine are far more likely to entice me on a Monday night. So earlier this year I made it my mission to read 25 books before I turn 25; the concept is adorable and I need to create goals for myself so I foolishly believe that my life has meaning.

Unfortunately, as someone with commitment issues,  I intend to follow through with everything I set my mind to but the execution isn’t quite there yet. Couple that with a love for binge-watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer and I’ve fallen off the reading bandwagon, and picked up a few library fines along the way.

I’m not a child anymore, I don’t have imaginary friends or climb into my wardrobe hoping to find Narnia: I can watch the film on Netflix instead, but isn’t that a crying shame? It’s about time I turned off my laptop and reconnected with some old friends: I think they’ve missed me.

Is there anything you’ve read lately that you’d recommend to spice up my bookshelf? 

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Go Your Own Way

After spending last night in a tear-induced haze, I decided to self-medicate this afternoon, and popped to the local shop for chocolate and wine to numb the pain. 10 minutes into browsing various bottles of Pinot, I was about to leave and pack everything in when Fleetwood Mac came on the radio.

As soon as the song started the strangest wave of emotion rushed over me: certainty. For someone who spends so much time feeling uncertain about the decisions I make and my lack of direction, this sudden confidence that everything is going to be okay left me feeling somewhat uncertain. I can’t explain it and I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to, but Sam was right: “You gotta hear this one song, it’ll change your life I swear” Garden State.

Q&A (hole)

Usually I’m a giant asshole and and forget to post anything I’m nominated to do but seeing as the lovely Five Years and Finally Single nominated me for the Liebster Award I thought I’d give being social a whirl. 

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I already share far too much information with complete strangers, so what difference does 11 more questions make?

1. What is the worst date you have ever been on?

I’ve been on so many first dates I think I deserve a lifetime achievement award. 80% of those involved getting far too drunk to numb the pain of wasting an evening out to dinner when I could be at home watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer. My worst date though has to be my first ever, we were sat in the cinema in total silence when I farted and proceeded to stand up and apologise to the entire theatre for my passing of wind. Suffice to say, there was no second date.

2. What is something you lied to your parents about?

I’m a terrible liar – the biggest lie I ever told was when I hated the sandwiches my father made me to take to school so I hid them in my rucksack. Each day I tried desperately to find a bin to put them in and each day I failed miserably. It got to the point where I had rotting sandwiches hiding in my room and my mother eventually found them after questioning what the smell was. The life lesson I learnt from that was to never lie and always eat my sandwiches.

3. Are you married? If yes what is your advice to a single gal? If no what is your favorite part of being single?

Every man and his dog knows I’m single – I can’t think of anything better than sitting alone in my pyjamas with a bottle of wine and Netflix. In fact, I’m so used to being single that I think I’d find the pressure to get dressed up and impress a new boyfriend too much to handle.

4. What is the first thing you do when you get sad?

Buy a bottle of wine, put Taylor Swift on and sit alone in my bedroom crying. Lather, rinse and repeat until I’m ready to face the world again.

5. Why did you start blogging?

Loneliness, heartbreak and unrequited love!

6. Best advice to a new blogger?

I don’t know that I’m the best person to be giving anyone advice but the one thing I will say is to carry on writing. Don’t be afraid to be honest, because the beauty of the internet and the blogging community is that there’s always going to be someone out there who feels exactly the same way as you. Being a good writer and an honest one come hand in hand.

7. What is your biggest dream in life?

I just want to be happy. I tend to avoid saying what I want out loud just in case it doesn’t come true!

8. Do you believe in fate?

For me, a belief in fate is a denial of free will. Some awful things have happened to me, but most of these are because I fucked up and I refuse to give that a bigger meaning than necessary.

9. How old were you when you got your first kiss?? and please share the story…

I guess at the age of sixteen I was pretty old in terms of what’s considered the social norm. Unfortunately, as first kisses go it wasn’t exactly a romantic moment to to tell my grandchildren about. It happened at a party after a few too many WKD’s and he wasn’t exactly a Ryan Gosling lookalike. I only ever saw him once after that and I pretended I had no idea who he was – pretty much sums up my success with dating since that day!

10. What is your favourite feature on who ever you may be physically attracted to?

A sense of humour and the ability to tell me to “fuck off” when I’m being a douchebag.

11. What is one question you want to ask a famous person and who are you asking?

I’d definitely ask Emma Watson out for dinner and drinks. I can’t think of anything better than the two of us drinking red wine from obnoxiously large glasses and gossiping about Tom Felton and Daniel Radcliffe. If you’re reading this Emma, please my BFF: I promise I’m cool and my anecdotes are hilarious.


The Liebster Award is given to bloggers by other bloggers. It is a great way to connect with new bloggers, and to welcome them to the blogosphere.

Here are the rules:

1. Link back to the blogger who nominated you.
2. Answer the 11 questions given to you by the blogger who nominated you.
3. Nominate 11 other bloggers with less than 200 followers.
4. Go to the blogs you nominated and notify them of your nomination.
5. Give your nominees 11 questions to answer.

Here are my nominees:

The Thought Buffet

dollyandronny

deepbluesandseafoamgreens

Cupid or Cats

Post-Curfew Bewonderments

happiness hit her like a train

The Brantley Blog

verityjohnsonwriting


I know that’s not 11 people and most of them have more than 200 followers but I just love to break the rules. Here are my lame ass questions for everyone to answer:

  1. What is your biggest regret?
  2. What is the first anecdote about yourself that you’d tell to impress someone new?
  3. First crush?
  4. How would you survive a zombie apocalypse?
  5. Most embarrassing moment?
  6. When was the last time you cried?
  7. What is your relationship deal breaker?
  8. Do you believe in karma?
  9. How would your friends describe you?
  10. What is your biggest pet peeve?
  11. If you could tell anyone to royally fuck the fuck off who would it be, and why?

If you don’t have the time to reply or can’t be bloody arsed then I totally understand but if like me you have no friends and a free Saturday then I’d love to read your answers! Over and out.

I get so emotional baby!

Hi, my name’s Helen and I’m an emotionally needy, nervous wreck.

As someone who hates talking to more than 5 people a day I consider myself as a Wednesday Addams/Jennifer Lawrence hybrid: adorable with a snarky, evasive edge. After many an evening spent crying into a tub of Ben and Jerry’s repairing my broken heart in my teenage years I vowed to toughen up and make myself less emotionally available. Since then I’ve taken pride in my ability to blow off social events in favour of a glass of wine and ‘The Vampire Diaries’ and I’ve been called out on not replying to text messages more times than I can count. 

However, in recent months I’ve found myself reverting back to various behaviours I used to exhibit as a naive, eighteen year old who wore my heart on my sleeve. I’ve lost all ability to hide my real feelings underneath a mask of contempt and it’s killing me. The emotionally cold, sarcastic bitch has been replaced with a notebook-loving sap who overuses emoticons and sends multiple messages to people despite receiving no reply. 

As much as I’ve tried to deny it, I’ll always love the Backstreet Boys and I’ll always wear my heart on my sleeve. My name’s Helen and I’m an emotionally needy, nervous wreck – pleased to meet you!

Blogiversary

Happy Blogiversary to me! I might buy myself Champagne (Lambrini) to celebrate! Yes, it’s been a year since I sat alone in my room with a bottle of wine and a box of quality street crying over someone who would never love me and wrote my first post. Not to get overly sappy and sentimental but when I first started posting my random thoughts and feelings on the internet I never imagined a year on that I’d be so content with life. I’ve been sick in my own sink, fallen in and out of love, moved city, house and job and drunk thousands of bottles of wine along the way. Here’s to another year of making terrible mistakes and writing about them on the internet, cheers!