Tag Archives: shopping

Harry Potter and the Summer Wardrobe Catastrophe

As it’s almost the middle of July, and my desire to cry and drink Pimm’s is at an all-time high, I’ve finally decided to admit defeat and join the rest of the world in celebrating summer. Unfortunately, my wardrobe doesn’t quite match my mind set; I’d love to spend the next few months wearing woollen tights and oversized cat t-shirts but both society and the weather seem to frown upon that.

In search of a solution to my clothing issues, I spent the afternoon shopping for pieces that would further my plans to emulate the current queen of boho, Vanessa Hudgens. However, whilst trying on a multitude of patterned dresses and kimonos, I spotted something that changed any plans I had to look summer chic: Harry Potter t-shirts.

After 15 minutes of sitting on the changing room floor, torn between the Hufflepuff and Slytherin shirts, both two sizes too small for me, I realised: selecting my summer wardrobe is the least of my problems.

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Man! I Feel Like a Woman!

This morning I get to try out the new cosmetics I bought last night, and like a kid at Christmas I couldn’t be more excited. There are a few things which induce heart palpitations and some of them happen to paint me as the modern-day Penelope Pitstop. I bloody love a scented candle, hot bubble bath and most of all trying out a new foundation, put all three together and you’ve got the makings of a perfect night.

It doesn’t matter how expensive the makeup is, or what it happens to be – as long as it’s brand, spanking new I have an overwhelming feeling that everything is going to be okay. All of the problems and potential issues I have to face can be quelled by putting on a new mascara or lipstick; whoever said money can’t buy you happiness clearly hadn’t seen the 3 for 2 on all beauty products stand at Boots.

It’s alright though; I haven’t showered this morning so I won’t be giving Barbie a run for her money just yet.

Strike a pose. Strike a pose.

“You’re never going to get any dick dressed like that Helen”

It’s always good to have your best friend around to let you know you’re less fashionable than your grandma and have the same amount of sex appeal as a loaf of bread. I always thought I rocked the ‘Mary-Kate Olsen grabbing coffee’ look but sometimes I forget that I’m at least 30lbs heavier and live in the real world.

In my mind the ideal outfit is cheap, comfortable and black. I don’t care for neon, crop tops, hot pants or anything with the word “body-con” in the title and I couldn’t give two shits about Miley Cyrus wearing clothing that almost shows off her vagina. It seems baffling that people spend so much time focusing on changing their outfits rather than their dull personalities.

I might own 10 of the same floral, oversized dresses that will never adorn the pages of Vogue but I have read more than one book by Milan Kundera and know my Harry Potter trivia better than anyone else. Who needs high heels and sex appeal when you have elastic waistbands and macaroni cheese?

Bah-humbug, baby!

Since I was a young whipper-snapper I’ve always been one of those insufferable souls that gets excited about Christmas in September, desperately flicking through the Argos catalogue and deciding which doll head I should ask Father Christmas for this year. In fact one of my fondest memories from my teenage years isn’t getting shit-faced off of cheap cider in the park but spending every Sunday evening alone watching ‘National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation.’ 

Inevitably though, the joy I once got from hearing ‘Mariah Carey’ on the radio or watching Christmas specials of ‘Airline’ slightly diminishes each year, rather ’tis the season to get fat and drunk. Whilst skulking round the shops today, being shoved into stands of Christmas themed head wear by angry middle-aged women and their prams I’ve realised I’ve lost all of my Christmas spirit. I hate secret santa, fiddly decorations and the fact that I now have think about bills and paying rent as well as which £3 Impulse gift set I should buy my friends. The only thing getting me through this holiday period is that it’s acceptable to wear red lipstick and drink alcohol during the day, bah humbug indeed!

I’m the cat that got the cream but the milk’s gone sour

I am a terribly weak-willed person, if someone were to hand me a whole bottle of wine or jar of peanut butter right now I would without a doubt have all of it. Therefore it’s absolutely no surprise that I was sucked into the Urban Outfitters sale today. In my defence they didn’t take no for an answer: first off there was the persistent, cutesy emails with dancing cats informing me of the sale, which had my mouth watering in anticipation. Secondly I walked past the shop and it said ‘sale’ in the window so I didn’t really have a choice.

I love Urban Outfitters, as a person who has little to no sense of style or what’s going on in the fashion world it’s pretty much a guarantee that if you get the right size it’s going to look ‘cool’, exactly what I want. Of course I was a sucker for all of their quirky homeware and flowery dresses and whoops spent £50 in under 15 minutes. It says it’s on sale though, don’t worry if it’s still £40 for a dress you could find for £20 elsewhere, if it’s on sale it’s practically free. Thanks Urban Outfitters, your deliciously overpriced clothing has won me over once again.

Aside

I really dislike shopping, as I’ve gotten older, with much less disposable income and a much more disposable waistline than I had when I was 16 I’ve found it to be a stressful, depressing experience. However, one thing I am … Continue reading

Friday Faves

I decided to write a post about all of the things I’ve been loving lately, because material possessions make me feel great about my otherwise questionable life. Plus people get off on these things, right?! I for one love hearing about people spending all of their money as it makes me feel infinitely better about my own spending habits. It’s a slightly odd guilty pleasure of mine, just like watching people watch films or Geordie Shore.

  1. SLUTTY CLOTHING. Caps locks for emphasis and simply because I can. Normally I hate showing off my body, I hide any curves I may have underneath a plethora of black, shapeless dresses, but my diet and fitness regime has meant I’ve become a huge tramp. See-through, cut-out dresses and glitter crop tops are all the rage for me right now even though it’s about 2 degrees. Forever impractical, it’ll be 20 degrees, middle of august and I’ll insist on wearing thick black tights and long johns. I feel so liberated, to quote Girls: “It’s a Wednesday night baby and I’m alive!” The next thing you know I’ll be pursuing a career in stripping or something.
  2. TELEVISON. Just in general, there’s so much good TV on at the moment I often question why I leave the house at all, I’d much rather watch other people live their lives than have one of my own. The Carrie Diaries, The Following, The Vampire Diaries, Revenge and my guilty pleasures Supersize Vs Super Skinny and Geordie Shore have been warming the cockles of my heart lately. 
  3. GIRL TALK. No, no, not chatting to my female friends over a glass of wine and talking about men, that goes without saying, I’m talking about Gregg Gillis otherwise known as Girl Talk. It’s as if he’s poured chocolate sauce all over vanilla ice-cream, who knew I could listen to Rihanna and be absolutely loving it? If anyone hasn’t checked Girl Talk out, I highly recommend you YouTube it! 
  4. EATING OUT. AKA my favourite thing in the entire world. I’m living life as if I’m a member of the Hills, wining and dining every night. Give me Thai, Chinese, Indian, Italian, and a waiter winking at me and I’m yours. There’s just something about not having to cook for myself that I adore.

Bonus loves include: brown eyeliner, stalking pictures of Cara Delevigne, the LOTR trilogy and Aragorn in general, dancing in my underwear and gin and tonic.