Tag Archives: clothes

Harry Potter and the Summer Wardrobe Catastrophe

As it’s almost the middle of July, and my desire to cry and drink Pimm’s is at an all-time high, I’ve finally decided to admit defeat and join the rest of the world in celebrating summer. Unfortunately, my wardrobe doesn’t quite match my mind set; I’d love to spend the next few months wearing woollen tights and oversized cat t-shirts but both society and the weather seem to frown upon that.

In search of a solution to my clothing issues, I spent the afternoon shopping for pieces that would further my plans to emulate the current queen of boho, Vanessa Hudgens. However, whilst trying on a multitude of patterned dresses and kimonos, I spotted something that changed any plans I had to look summer chic: Harry Potter t-shirts.

After 15 minutes of sitting on the changing room floor, torn between the Hufflepuff and Slytherin shirts, both two sizes too small for me, I realised: selecting my summer wardrobe is the least of my problems.

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Strike a pose. Strike a pose.

“You’re never going to get any dick dressed like that Helen”

It’s always good to have your best friend around to let you know you’re less fashionable than your grandma and have the same amount of sex appeal as a loaf of bread. I always thought I rocked the ‘Mary-Kate Olsen grabbing coffee’ look but sometimes I forget that I’m at least 30lbs heavier and live in the real world.

In my mind the ideal outfit is cheap, comfortable and black. I don’t care for neon, crop tops, hot pants or anything with the word “body-con” in the title and I couldn’t give two shits about Miley Cyrus wearing clothing that almost shows off her vagina. It seems baffling that people spend so much time focusing on changing their outfits rather than their dull personalities.

I might own 10 of the same floral, oversized dresses that will never adorn the pages of Vogue but I have read more than one book by Milan Kundera and know my Harry Potter trivia better than anyone else. Who needs high heels and sex appeal when you have elastic waistbands and macaroni cheese?

I’m the cat that got the cream but the milk’s gone sour

I am a terribly weak-willed person, if someone were to hand me a whole bottle of wine or jar of peanut butter right now I would without a doubt have all of it. Therefore it’s absolutely no surprise that I was sucked into the Urban Outfitters sale today. In my defence they didn’t take no for an answer: first off there was the persistent, cutesy emails with dancing cats informing me of the sale, which had my mouth watering in anticipation. Secondly I walked past the shop and it said ‘sale’ in the window so I didn’t really have a choice.

I love Urban Outfitters, as a person who has little to no sense of style or what’s going on in the fashion world it’s pretty much a guarantee that if you get the right size it’s going to look ‘cool’, exactly what I want. Of course I was a sucker for all of their quirky homeware and flowery dresses and whoops spent £50 in under 15 minutes. It says it’s on sale though, don’t worry if it’s still £40 for a dress you could find for £20 elsewhere, if it’s on sale it’s practically free. Thanks Urban Outfitters, your deliciously overpriced clothing has won me over once again.

Aside

I really dislike shopping, as I’ve gotten older, with much less disposable income and a much more disposable waistline than I had when I was 16 I’ve found it to be a stressful, depressing experience. However, one thing I am … Continue reading

Friday Faves

I decided to write a post about all of the things I’ve been loving lately, because material possessions make me feel great about my otherwise questionable life. Plus people get off on these things, right?! I for one love hearing about people spending all of their money as it makes me feel infinitely better about my own spending habits. It’s a slightly odd guilty pleasure of mine, just like watching people watch films or Geordie Shore.

  1. SLUTTY CLOTHING. Caps locks for emphasis and simply because I can. Normally I hate showing off my body, I hide any curves I may have underneath a plethora of black, shapeless dresses, but my diet and fitness regime has meant I’ve become a huge tramp. See-through, cut-out dresses and glitter crop tops are all the rage for me right now even though it’s about 2 degrees. Forever impractical, it’ll be 20 degrees, middle of august and I’ll insist on wearing thick black tights and long johns. I feel so liberated, to quote Girls: “It’s a Wednesday night baby and I’m alive!” The next thing you know I’ll be pursuing a career in stripping or something.
  2. TELEVISON. Just in general, there’s so much good TV on at the moment I often question why I leave the house at all, I’d much rather watch other people live their lives than have one of my own. The Carrie Diaries, The Following, The Vampire Diaries, Revenge and my guilty pleasures Supersize Vs Super Skinny and Geordie Shore have been warming the cockles of my heart lately. 
  3. GIRL TALK. No, no, not chatting to my female friends over a glass of wine and talking about men, that goes without saying, I’m talking about Gregg Gillis otherwise known as Girl Talk. It’s as if he’s poured chocolate sauce all over vanilla ice-cream, who knew I could listen to Rihanna and be absolutely loving it? If anyone hasn’t checked Girl Talk out, I highly recommend you YouTube it! 
  4. EATING OUT. AKA my favourite thing in the entire world. I’m living life as if I’m a member of the Hills, wining and dining every night. Give me Thai, Chinese, Indian, Italian, and a waiter winking at me and I’m yours. There’s just something about not having to cook for myself that I adore.

Bonus loves include: brown eyeliner, stalking pictures of Cara Delevigne, the LOTR trilogy and Aragorn in general, dancing in my underwear and gin and tonic. 

Shop ’til you pop

My theory is that you can tell the state of a woman’s mind through looking at her shopping bag. If you looked at my most recently bought items, you’d definitely come to the conclusion that I’m having a severe identity crisis. These include: a hot pink, glitter, lip crayon by Barry M, a pair of black, glitter, shoes with gold panthers engraved on the heel, a see-through dress and the cherry on top of the cake: a dark pink, glitter, crop top. I’m turning 23 in a week but apparently my subconscious is feeling the peter-pan syndrome, compensating for my lack of direction in life by trying to emulate Britney Spears circa 2000. Maybe next week I’ll buy myself some pedal pushers and really turn back the hands of time.