Neve Campbell and the Killer Spider Dilemma

I’m a fan of horror films: they remind me that things could always be worse, and if everything goes to pot I’m safe in the knowledge that I haven’t yet had to saw off my own foot. My late night decision to watch Mia Farrow and her fabulous pixie cut get knocked up by the devil always comes back to haunt me though: anytime my best friend abandons our place of residence for the week I’m left feeling like Drew Barrymore and the remains of her burnt popcorn.

Sure, there are perks to being in the house alone: just this morning I peed with the door open and danced around the kitchen in my underwear listening to Demi Lovato: I’m sure the neighbours loved that. Unfortunately, I haven’t yet developed a fool-proof plan to deal with the killer spiders that everyone on Facebook insists on posting about multiple times a day.

I’ve tried almost everything, from locking said spider in the kitchen and deciding this is the month I’m going to go on the ‘I can’t get to the fridge’ diet, to jumping over the sofa, screaming and hoping the mere sound of my voice sends every spider in the vicinity running for miles: nothing seems to work! I’ll just have to implement the only spider capturing method that’s ever really worked for me: asking a stranger from the flat upstairs to do it instead: Neve Campbell would be so proud.

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3 responses to “Neve Campbell and the Killer Spider Dilemma

  1. I’d be happy to dispatch of any spiders for you! 🙂

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    • Thanks, as soon as I see one I’ll let you know so you can catch a flight. The speed of the spider versus the speed of the plane might be a slight issue but the details can be worked out later!

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  2. drowninmelancholy

    OMG! I understand what you mean! I hate spiders, and I can’t even touch them, not even can I kill them because I am so afraid that it will jump on my face instead :’D

    Like

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