Strike a pose. Strike a pose.

“You’re never going to get any dick dressed like that Helen”

It’s always good to have your best friend around to let you know you’re less fashionable than your grandma and have the same amount of sex appeal as a loaf of bread. I always thought I rocked the ‘Mary-Kate Olsen grabbing coffee’ look but sometimes I forget that I’m at least 30lbs heavier and live in the real world.

In my mind the ideal outfit is cheap, comfortable and black. I don’t care for neon, crop tops, hot pants or anything with the word “body-con” in the title and I couldn’t give two shits about Miley Cyrus wearing clothing that almost shows off her vagina. It seems baffling that people spend so much time focusing on changing their outfits rather than their dull personalities.

I might own 10 of the same floral, oversized dresses that will never adorn the pages of Vogue but I have read more than one book by Milan Kundera and know my Harry Potter trivia better than anyone else. Who needs high heels and sex appeal when you have elastic waistbands and macaroni cheese?

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6 responses to “Strike a pose. Strike a pose.

  1. Based on the stories you share, I’m fairly certain you will never be accused of having a dull personality! My dear girl, you crack me up!

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    • Thank you! That would be an insult of the highest order – people can call me short, fat and ugly to their heart’s content as long as they don’t call me dull 😉

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  2. You’ve got a helluva lot more going for you than just your looks! You’re crazy humorous and entertaining. I wouldn’t worry about that other crap.

    P.S. The Olsen twins are 30 lbs short of most normal human beings’ sexiness standards, so you sound just perfect!

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  3. “It seems baffling that people spend so much time focusing on changing their outfits rather than their dull personalities.” Hahaha! What a line!

    Like

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