Life is full of struggles: losing the television remote and being forced to watch ‘Antiques Roadshow’ on repeat, realising that I’ve run out of butter after already toasting my bread and having to wait an entire week for the next episode of ‘The Vampire Diaries’ are just a few of mine. None though compare to the excruciating pain of being a Taylor Swift fan. Gone are the days of celebrities Twitter bashing Kanye West for stealing poor Tay Tay’s limelight at the VMA’s, instead I’m living in a dark world where mocking her is as popular as the Kardashians or twerking.
She’s everything I want to be: a life-sized Barbie with a variety of outfits for every occasion, singer-songwriter and multi-millionaire who rocks a red lip like no-one else. Yet it’s that she has every Ken doll at her beck and call, just waiting to take her cruising down the beach in his Cabriolet that seems to be the problem for so much of the population.
As someone who hasn’t been on a date in months I feel women everywhere are going about this in completely the wrong way. Her little black book contains names such as Harry Styles, Jake Gyllenhaal and John Mayer: I’d build a shrine in her honour and get her to pen the novel ‘Taylor’s tips for seduction’ if I could. Any woman who’s perfected winged eye-liner and still has the time to go on dates with Jared Leto deserves an award. All hail queen Taylor, may your romantic conquests and catchy country ballads still make me feel unashamedly unsuccessful for years to come!