Tomorrow morning I’m going to set in motion my plan to become a cross between Buffy Summers, Penelope Pitstop and Lorelai Gilmore. The first step towards achieving this is by being a more positive person who only sees the good in each day. No longer will I wake up on a Monday morning feeling groggy, downing pints of coffee and desperately piling make-up on my face in the hope that I’ll turn up to work looking somewhat human. Instead I shall drink green tea and say things such as “isn’t the rain delightful, nice weather for ducks.”
However, as a hardened cynic this might be a tough transition, after all: Rome wasn’t built in a day! I thought it might be worth declaring everything that annoys me now to avoid anything ruining my perfect day tomorrow.
So, here goes nothing: people who say ‘twenty-fourteen’ rather than 2014, wind on a good hair day, people that watch the film rather than read the book and flaunt their ‘knowledge’ at me, loud crisp eaters, a lack of manners, the use of ‘babe’ as a pet name, the use of pet names in general, people that spell my name with two ‘l’s’, unnecessarily poor spelling, having to constantly defend liking Taylor Swift, when you see a wasp outside of the designated summer months, it not being socially acceptable to wear tights during summer, being told to ‘be quiet’, ‘calm down’ or ‘smile’, people not adhering to official board game rules, my friends not appreciating how brilliant Joss Whedon is, Emma Watson’s perfect everything, PDA and my inability to take a good selfie.
Now that that’s done, who’d like some tea and freshly baked scones?