Joining the pussy patrol and the philosophers stone

I’ve decided to pull my head out of my arse this week and focus less on seducing males and more on seducing females. I’m already 23 and can feel my thirties creeping up on me, destined to spend my Friday nights drinking gin alone and watching repeats of come dine with me. I’m far too vanilla to throw caution to the wind and dip my toe into a pool of vaginas but I have decided to make a new bff.

Like most of my first dates, nerves were at an all time high, palms were sweating and a long time was spent preparing my wide selection of cheese-jokes in case of awkward silences. After years of having the same circle of friends, I was slightly worried about my ability to charm and impress someone new. Luckily for me, whilst my relationships with the opposite sex aren’t anything to brag about as of late, the same can’t be said about my ability to charm women: I’ve even secured a second date next week.

Therefore, until Hugh Jackman decides to fall madly in love with me I’ve decided to stay off men and become a part-time member of the pussy patrol. After all, the best ship of all is FRIENDship: staying a spinster might not be so bad after all.

 

Advertisements

One response to “Joining the pussy patrol and the philosophers stone

  1. FUCK MEN. NOT LITERALLY.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s