As a child I used to love ‘Oliver’, okay I never read the book but who does these days?! Unfortunately I’m one of those assholes that secretly loves a musical, also I’m English so I’m an asshole that should be an arsehole. Anyway I was thinking about Oliver and the lack of ‘food, glorious food’ he had today when I came up with a theory comparing cake to my current romantic situation.
Bear with me on this, I promise you I know what I’m talking about, although it has nothing to do with Oliver, did he eat cake? Probably not. I am a cake, carrot if we’re going to get specific, I might be a bit rough around the edges but generally I’m pretty tasty and a good proportion of people enjoy carrot cake. All boxed up and ready to be sold, I’m on the shelf of the supermarket waiting for someone with a carrot cake craving. A few people look interested, they pick me up, check out the goods, and I get excited that today might be the day that someone decides to take a bite. However, there’s fierce competition from a chocolate fudge cake sitting next to me, she’s a bit too sweet and overrated for my liking but a popular choice nonetheless. I’m getting anxious, chocolate cake or carrot cake, which will it be? They grab me from the shelf, analyse the packaging and sell by date and eventually decide not to risk it, chocolate fudge cake is the safe choice. Here I am, still on the shelf waiting for someone to decide they’re in the mood for a nibble.
Is anyone still with me here? Basically I’m delicious, reasonably priced and great quality, available at all good retail outlets, ask in store for more details.