Remember those awards you used to get at school for the ‘most improved student,’ basically making the mediocre feel special for just a second. Well I was a big winner of those back in the day and this week is no exception. One of my biggest fears is confrontation, at work this week a customer got all up in my grill and I cried; I’m 23. So you can imagine my inner turmoil on Friday night when I spot a large group of youths standing directly in the path of my destination, the pub. I was torn, the 14 year old inside of me wanted to turn in the opposite direction, go the long way round and avoid my inevitable humiliation. That is until my inner Beyonce came out to play, gave me a talking to and made me realise that I am a strong, independent woman and should not be afraid of 16-year old boys. If only 14 year old me had known that as well.
So here I am, growing, striding across the car park, head down of course, I might have dipped my toe in the water but there’s no way I’m jumping in the pool just yet. Tip of the day: if you don’t make direct eye contact it’s as if you aren’t even there. One of them calls out to me, “OI, girl in the red dress”, despite my best efforts my eye contact trick hasn’t worked, and they’ve spotted their prey. I carry on walking, the pub is in sight, act as if you haven’t seen them. A member of the pack then tells the others that “she’s probably a nice girl”, why thank you, I am, now get back to drinking your cider and stop looking at me. Another male then shouts “BUT SHE WALKS LIKE A STRIPPER”, I’ve never been aware of this before and am not sure whether to be pleased or worried but I carry on walking like the stripper I am. Perhaps this was considered a positive point, I’m unsure but I’m pleased to announce that I made it to the watering hole with my dignity and all body parts intact.
If anyone is interested in my services (as a crime fighter; not stripper) please feel free to contact me, I hear there’s a superhero movie about me in the works right now.