What is normal? I’m having an internal debate on whether I’m going slightly crazy a-la Hannah from Girls, or if I’m just a regular person with a couple of normal issues that every human being has.
I’ll explain, I’ve always been a slight worrier: when I was a child I accidentally stole a bag of sweets and was so convinced that there were CCTV cameras around and that I’d get locked up until the day I died so I went back, apologised and paid my 50p. I also have a slight wasp phobia (when I say slight I mean that even typing the word wasp terrifies me.) One night I was so convinced that I was going to wake up with a swarm of wasps flying around my bedroom that I spent hours sellotaping every crack or small hole in my wall. So I sort of have a couple of issues in that I worry a lot, normal right?
Well I think my issues with worrying have started to expand a tad. I can’t sleep without a small, dim, light on in my room, not too bright so I can’t sleep but bright enough so I can see potential burglars/serial killers lurking in the shadows. After switching my light on, I set my alarms for the morning: all ten of them, each assigned their own ring tone so my brain doesn’t get used to the sound of the alarm and sleep straight through it. Once I’ve set these ten alarms I make sure that each one is on around three/four times, just in case. After doing that I check under my bed and in my wardrobe for monsters/serial killers and the like. Finally I inspect my bed covers at least three times over just in case there are any spiders in there in order to avoid a Home Alone moment. If I then get into bed and question whether any one of these activities isn’t thoroughly completed I have to start the process again. It’s starting to get out of hand, not only does it take me hours to get to sleep but any small issue that arises I worry will result in my death, the death of a friend or family member or the end of the world as we know it.
So, I’m wondering whether this is normal, does everyone else worry this much, or am I spiralling? It’s hard to tell whether people keep these issues to themselves for fear that people will think they’re abnormal or if it’s just you feeling something, alone. I share some of my idiosyncrasies with my friends, but only the ones that they might find quirky and interesting, and that’s probably part of the problem. If everyone was more open with the people they actually know maybe they wouldn’t feel compelled to turn to the internet for help instead. Google must be one popular mother fucker.