Stop the press, I have an important announcement to make, I have now become a sexual goddess. I was just about to pull my ‘I’m a spinster for life’ t-shirt out of my wardrobe and cry for hours on end whilst watching the notebook, until I had the realisation that I’m basically Jenna Jameson. Slight exaggeration, I’ve simply kissed two ugly males whilst obliterated this week but still, Paris Hilton eat your heart out. Thank God, I’ve been struggling to come up with things to tell my loved up friends when we go to dinner and they want to hear all about what the life of a single person is like and the numerous sexual escapades I’ve partaken in recently. It’s always slightly disappointing to inform them that the most action I’ve gotten is someone accidentally touching my leg whilst sitting next to them on the bus. For those of you wanting to know my secret, gather round, just get so drunk that someone’s bound to take pity on you and make a move. Works like a charm.
English rose with far too many thorns, attempting not to make a complete mess of my life and currently failing miserably. Shameless fan of Starbucks, Pinot Grigio, Quentin Tarantino and novelty jumpers.
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