I was feeling curious today, and yes you guessed it curiosity definitely killed the cat, and all of its 9 lives. Apparently I’ve gone crazy because in no universe is it ever a good idea to trudge through old computer files. Ever. If I thought I was making some pretty big life mistakes right now, 16 year old me certainly takes the crown right off of my head.
As I was never much of a diary writer as a young whippersnapper, deciding to click on some of my old msn messenger chat logs were certainly a reminder as to why I’d blocked my teenage years from 13-17 out of my mind. First of all my choice of screen names definitely left a lot to be desired, one of my personal favourites was “hot pink babe.” As I rarely spoke to anyone in high school, and hadn’t even developed the small grapes I have right now in the chest area, it couldn’t be further from the truth and made me want to die a slow, painful death. I’m not sure what was worse, that or the angst-ridden, emo, song lyric screen names which came later (probably due to the fact I discovered I wasn’t a “hot pink babe”.) Suffice to say even now I’m not sure I could listen to ‘All Hail the Heartbreaker’ by ‘The Spill Canvas’ without shedding a tear for my 16- year old self.
You think that’s bad? The worst was yet to come. I’m a big fan of correct spelling, in fact I have binned a male for constantly bombarding me with text messages asking “r u k?” or “wnt 2 go 4 a drnk?” So seeing some of my past crimes right in front of me, plain as can be was slightly disturbing. One of my biggest offences was my misspelling of the word ‘you’, variations including the infamous “u” and slightly under the radar versions “yoo” and “yew.” I may not have been a delinquent as a teenager, but the shame I’m feeling now is just as heavy on my heart as smashing a window or spitting at a teacher.
Of course there were also the plethora of pictures of me in black and white, brightness and contrast up to the max with a mass of black eyeliner on my face titled “princess.” Taylor Momsen, eat your heart out.
So I made a fair few mistakes as teenager, ones I’d hate to relive, I can’t think of anything worse than having to go through those years again. A part of me regrets even opening up those files, ignorance is bliss after all, but it’s definitely made me appreciate how far I’ve come. I might be unsure of my direction in life right now but that’s nothing compared to how insecure and alone I felt then. I tell you one thing, sixteen definitely ain’t so sweet.