So I’m still in my over-optimistic, terribly clichéd ‘new year, new me!’ state of mind; sickening, I know. After years of dedication honing my pessimistic, cynical demeanour it feels somewhat like a cat attempting to swim. But you know what, I honestly believe this is the year I actually get my shit together! I was watching Kevin Smiths brilliant ‘Clerks’ last night and it seriously got me thinking, holy shit, I am Dante Hicks, this is my life, shoot me now.
After a restless night thinking about all of the ways I’ve messed my life up, I came to the realisation that I actually might not be as much of a fuck-up as I first thought. Okay so I did a degree I despised, I’m still working in a minimum wage job, living in a town I hate, have zero money and no boyfriend or romantic interest of any sort to speak of, but apart from that things are going swimmingly!
More than ever though, I feel there’s an undercurrent of twenty-something’s who feel lost, alone, and unsuccessful, struggling to find their way in the world. Take Lena Dunham’s ‘Girls,’ a comedy about just that, there’s a reason it’s been so successful, people find humour in things they can relate to. The characters are hugely flawed, but real, you recognise parts of yourself in each of them (unfortunately I think I’m probably a Hannah) and feel things as they do. Just like the ‘Girls’ I might be stumbling through my early twenties, but that’s okay, I will get there. I realise I sound horribly trite right about now, don’t worry I’m not about to start spouting about how everything’s going to be okay if you just believe in yourself or some bullshit like that, I realise, regrettably, I’m never going to be Mila Kunis.
I have however made slight progress in my goal of becoming an all around perfect human being.
Number 1: healthy living. It’s been 2 weeks since I’ve had coffee, chocolate, and fast food of any kind. Apparently you can tell as my boss told me “your ass isn’t half as fat as it used to be,” you shouldn’t be picky so I’ll take that as a compliment!
Number 2: career. So I’m still in my minimum wage job but I have an idea what I want to do with my life. I have ideas! This is a miracle for me as before this my best idea was ‘win money on scratchcards.’
Number 3: love life aka stop being so pathetic. You should never go back to an ex, I’m a firm believer in this, I’ve done it before and always regretted it, the train is at the end of the line, it wont go any further, stop trying to hop back on. If someone was allergic to prawns, and came out in an awful rash every time they ate them, would they still continue to eat prawns? Even though they know it’ll only do awful things to them? Personally I’m a salmon fan, it’s just as tasty, prawns can suck it! I’ve been pretty strong so far, the last few weeks there’s been no drunk confessions of love or crying that he’ll never feel the same way into my wine glass, I reckon I’m doing pretty darn well.
Honestly, I’m so optimistic about life right now I think I might spontaneously combust into ‘The Hills are Alive’ from ‘The Sound of Music.’ Saying that I have only had one glass of wine these last two weeks, perhaps I’m simply coming down with something.