‘Tis the season for seduction.

I think I need to put myself out there more, it’s what I’m often told by my friends at least, an answer to all my dating woes, hallelujah! See I’m terrible at giving out advice: a friendly pat on the back and handing said person a glass of wine usually suffices for me, but honestly I really resent being told this. What they really mean is: “put yourself and your vagina out there.” I don’t even think people really date anymore, apparently sleeping with someone you vaguely know and then stumbling into some sort of relationship is how things work these days.

I’m aware I need to get over this pretty inconvenient unrequited love situation but honestly I’m really terrible at appealing to the opposite sex. My seduction routine tends to revolve around finding a male and hoping they’ll be drunk enough to find me somewhat attractive. I have so many male friends that when it comes to dating or attempting to seduce a man I’m left feeling like Paris Hilton on public transport. It’s just not my forte, I much prefer having a Buffy the Vampire Slayer marathon with a glass of pinot at home and hoping someone will fall madly in love with me. This sort of thing happens all the time in Katherine Heigl films, so where is my Gerard Butler?

To be honest I blame Sex and the City, meeting a male in a coffee shop, an accidental spill of SJP’s skinny latte and then next thing you know they’re back at his place having sex on the kitchen table. I’m all for empowerment to women but what happened to the days where you were courted? Obviously this has never happened to me, I’m basing this off of watching Pride and Prejudice but I’ve heard about it a lot, and I’ll believe anything I hear.

Oh well, ‘tis the season and all, until I meet my ‘Mr Darcy’ I shall join the masses in getting merry and attempt to find someone to quell my inner loneliness. I’ll get the party frock out, put the red lippie on and tell various males “I’d like to jingle your bells” or “pull your Christmas cracker.” Who could resist? Ho, ho, ho.

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2 responses to “‘Tis the season for seduction.

  1. I’m not going to lie, in my experience ‘Tis the seaon for…fucking

    Like

  2. Bret raises a valid point with such elegance and insight.

    Take a chance, and hopefully it won’t be restricted to just kissing under the mistletoe.

    Like

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